she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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