Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
