Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
