I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
only if we run a train.
done.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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