Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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