woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
