Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
