I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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