O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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