god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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