i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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