You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
