grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
