I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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