He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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