Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
