Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
