Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
