I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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