i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize