I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
