You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
