when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
