An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize