nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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