apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
