Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
