ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
