Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
