just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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