Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
