Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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