I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Less talking, more tequila
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
