3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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