Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
