Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
