hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
