The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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