it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
