This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize