I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
