I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
