did you get engaged???
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
