Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
