does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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