Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
