i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Can Purell be used as lube?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
