i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
