I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
