i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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