i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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