Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
