It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
