Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
