he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
