honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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