Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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