In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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