dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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