If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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