Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
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I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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